OK, for all of you who think we’ve lost our minds (that would be most of you), the King’s Cup Elephant Polo Matches were everything we expected … and more!  Our only regret was that we didn’t know about it far enough ahead of time to have gotten accommodations for the finals, but then, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to (!almost!) play in a chukker… but more about that in a minute.  First, a little about the sport:
Elephant Polo was invented in Nepal 25 years ago by Jim Edwards, the founder of Tiger Tops Jungle Lodge.  Jim has always been one of my heroes, both for his lifetime of work in conservation as well as having so brilliantly brought intimate encounters with rhinos, tigers and elephants into a resort setting decades before it became commonplace.  We had the pleasure of meeting him at the tournament, and what a marvelous gentleman he is – I assured him I was ready for my 3rd trip there very soon (are you game, Carol?).
Like horse polo, an elephant polo match is played in two 7 minute periods called chukkers.  There’s an umpire on foot and another on elephant back, and three, or occasionally four (first indication that the rules – and the sport – might be just a tad tongue-in-cheek) elephants on the field for each team.  Each elephant has two riders; his mahout, who steers the elephant, and the player. Teams are given handicaps (in more ways than one) based on a “gentlemen’s agreement” made before the tournament.  You see, depending on how serious the sponsors take the tournament, most of the teams are made up of either players who have never played before or professional athletes recruited to assure a victory.  PriceWaterhouse/Coopers recruited 2 professional Rugby players from New Zealand who, although they had never played polo before, had the approximate size and strength of their mounts; Mercedes had 2 brothers who were professional polo players and, while they certainly had the form, when your trusty steed steps on the ball and it is buried in two feet of mud … experience doesn’t really count for much!

And of course, there was the official announcer – elephant polo’s own version of Howard Cosell – who could hardly wait to scream “… and it’s a goooooaaaaaalllllllllllllllll” into the microphone at every opportunity.
The rest of the game is very similar to horse polo, except the players are “seatbelted” on the elephant so they can lean wayyyyy down to try to hit the ball through a forest of 8 … or maybe 16 … elephant legs in order to put the ball through the opposite team’s goal without violating their opponent’s right-of-way (let your imagination take over, this shouldn’t require any further explanation).  In spite of the seatbelts, the announcer once requested that the game be stopped, as “one of the players is listing badly starboard”.

The ball looked to be the size of a regular horse polo ball – apparently they once tried to use a soccer ball, but the elephants had such fun playing with it, it just didn’t work.  Mallets, on the other hand, are 3 meters long and made of flexible cane, so connecting with the ball is a matter of sheer luck.
There are now 3 Leagues and annual tournaments; the original World Elephant Polo Association, played in Nepal, Thailand’s King’s Cup (founded by an American ex-pat who has lived here for 45 years and is reportedly on of the wealthiest men in Thailand. A delightfully down-to-earth guy, he owns restaurants and hotels, including the Four Seasons franchise in Asia and Anantara Resorts, the sponsors of the Tournament since its inception) and Sri Lanka’s – the Ceylon Elephant Polo Association.  It is unclear how the teams get assigned to the different Leagues, but I assume it is a similar process to handicapping.  Anyway, matches progress over the course of 7 days, first to determine ranking within each League, then League vs League, then playoffs as if none of the other 5 days counted (11th/12th place playoff; 10th/11th place playoff, etc.) I assume this was just to be sure they got it right – basically, no one is ever eliminated!  The evenings of the finals are taken up with a gala dinner, masquerade party and auction to raise more money for the elephant hospital and other conservation and welfare programs.
Sponsored teams included the local resorts, DHL, Air New Zealand, Chivas Regal; they hailed from Switzerland, Italy, Sweden and, for the first time ever – AMERICA – the Capitol Pachyderms!
Of course, the sponsors all built their VIP tents on the perimeter of the field, just as you would expect at NASDAQ or any self-respecting tournament, equipped with food, lots of alcohol, electric fans, elephant rides and massage tables (nope, not kidding!). Then there’s the condition of the field!  A little rain at night (which, we were assured, always happens) makes the field a mud hole!  So, they placed blue plastic lawn chairs over the worst holes to try to keep the elephants from charging through them and then just had at it!

Most of the first chukker was spent trying to find the ball.  The dialogue between the players was like a Monty Python skit – “Where’s the ball?”  “It’s right there.” “Where?” “I say, right there!!” “But I can’t SEE it!” “Right THERE – just under your ele!!” “Careful now, don’t let him step on it again!” “Watch out … drat the luck, stop the game, we’ll need to dig the chair out of the mud.”  The second day we were there, they tried bringing in a truckload of sand to fill the holes, but the truck just got stuck in the mud!
As for  Peter and me (when I wasn’t knee deep in mud taking pictures), we simply planted ourselves at the Four Season’s Tent, bonded with the owner, manager and staff (as we will be there for our Mahout Training at the end of the month), drank White Elephants and Mahout Tea and had just the best time!  Which is how I happened to (almost) get to play polo … after their match on our first day, I of course expressed my desire to try it … and the manager/team captain said he could probably arrange it for their match the next day – oh great, now what!  Peter suggested that, as our friend Mariliza would have said, I may just have missed a good opportunity to be quiet!  Well, as luck would have it, we could only be there in the morning, as our flight was that afternoon, and Four Seasons drew an afternoon slot – saved from myself again!! I know, I need to learn to be careful what I wish for … I might just get it!

I did, however, get my first mahout lesson from an adorable 7 year old elephant, whom I bribed liberally with bananas before mounting (so cute - he curtsied to say thank you!).  I must admit, it is quite an intimidating experience.  You actually ride on his head, not the back or neck, where there might actually be something to hold on to besides ears.  Unlike horse or camel back, there are no stirrups, reins, humps, pommels – not even a mane – all you can do is grip the side of his head with your knees, which must be tucked behind his ears, balance and hope he doesn’t decide to make any quick head movements.  I pondered what I would do, given the choice between falling off and swinging from his ear to try to stay on … I believe I would just fall and avoid pissing him off!